The Widow and the Devil
Mick Ryan, arranged by Pint and Dale

High upon a lonely moor
A widow lived alone
An inn she kept and e'er she slept
The pillow heard her moan
"Oh, many is the traveler
Who's spent the night with me,
But there's not a man in all creation
Gives content to me.

For some might manage once or twice
And some might three or four
But it seems to me the rarity
Is the man who can do more.
I'll do anything to find him,
In heaven or in hell"
And as these words were spoken,
There rang her front door bell

And the wind blew cold and lonely
All across that widow's moor
And she never, ever turned away
A traveler from her door

Boldly the widow ran down the stairs
And the door flung open wide
And as she did a tall and handsome
Stranger stepped inside
She gave him bread and brandy
And when that he was fed
He said, "My dear, well have no fear,
It's time to go to bed.

For I heard you call away down below
And I've come to see you right
But you must come to hell with me
If I can last the night."
She said, "You horny devil,
To your bargain I'll agree,
For hell on earth or hell in hell
It's all the same to me."

So the widow and the devil fell into bed
And the devil was working well
And he thought before the night was out
She'd be his in hell
But when they came to number nine,
The widow cried, "Encore!"
And when they came to number twelve
She boldly called for more

At twenty five the poor devil
Felt compelled to take a rest
The widow she said, "Come raise your head
And put me to the test!"
At sixty-nine the widow laughed,
"Again! Again!" she cried
And the devil he said, "Well I can see
Just how your husband died."

At ninety-nine the poor devil
He began to moan and weep
Oh, he said, "I'll give you anything
If you'll only let me sleep!"
Before the morning light was up
The devil hobbled home
And the widow still not satisfied
Once more was left alone.

Well, she lay there and she grumbled
As she thought of ninety-nine
"If only that old devil
Could have made it one more time.
With a little more application
He might make it to the ton.
"I'll call him up again tonight
To see what might be done,

But when she called to him that night
No devil he did appear
For the first time in eternity
The old devil he shook with fear
"Of all the pain and torment
I've witnessed here in hell,
Well I never knew what pain was
Till I rang her front door bell!"